The joy of the Lord is not that you are happy when you go to church or when you’re singing hymns or when you’re quoting Bible verses. It is the joy that will come one day when you finally see face-to-face, clear as crystal, that for which you were made. That secret longing that you have carried with you like a wound your whole life long will be met.
… Our quest for joy, our broken, messed-up, obsessive, endless pursuit of joy tells us we were made for the Joy-Bringer.
I know, it feels like you need to get your life on track. I know, it feels like you should be further ahead. I know, it feels like you’re stuck in that rut. You want to get it together and get over the inadequacy, uncertainty, missed chances, and all the should’ve-beens.
Don’t beat yourself up about it. Pace yourself, relax your fists, make steps, and don’t run. Let the dream breathe. Should-be is still could-be, and though time is short, time is left. Your moment is any moment you say now.
sleepwalk with me
I really feel like our whole lives, no matter how low our self-esteem gets, there’s some part of us that thinks,’I have a secret special skill that no one knows about.’
…and eventually we meet someone who’s like , ‘You have a secret special skill.’
and you’re like, ‘I know, so do you!~ Let’s eat pizza flavored ice-cream together.’
…and that’s love. It’s a mountain of pizza flavored ice-cream… and… delusion.
Words never mean what we want them to mean.
As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody as I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call it “RESPECT“.
As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it “MATURITY“.
As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment, so I could be calm. Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE“.
As I began to love myself I quit steeling my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it “SIMPLICITY“.
As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything the drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF“.
As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is “MODESTY“.
As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worry about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where EVERYTHING is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it “FULFILLMENT“.
As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But As I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this connection “WISDOM OF THE HEART“.
We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born.
Today I know that it is LIFE!
“In this world, there are things you can only do alone, and things you can only do with somebody else. It’s important to combine the two in just the right amount.”
— Haruki Murakami
Miracles are retelling in small letters of the very same story which is written across the whole world in letters too large for some of us to see.
- Lester Bangs: Yeah, great art is about conflict and pain and guilt and longing and love disguised as sex, and sex disguised as love... and let's face it, you got a big head start.
- William Miller: I'm glad you were home.
- Lester Bangs: I'm always home. I'm uncool.
- William Miller: Me too!
- Lester Bangs: The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what we share with someone else when we're uncool.
- William Miller: I feel better.
everything used to be black and white. it is not anymore…
there are almost 7 billion people in this world and we are so different and unique. it isn’t a crazy thought though… each person goes through things are either ever so slightly different or are in extremes unimaginable to another persons experiences. and through the different combinations of similar to unsimilar events, it makes up who each one of us are. how we think, how we react, how we listen and empathize and how we don’t care or judge. some of us grow and some of us retreat. the thing is… no one can say retreating or being angry is worse than growing and learning from an experience. you don’t know what an individual, that has chose to close off, has experienced. but this makes up the world, right? broken people and people that are healers… people who love and people who don’t. characters that help do it because it makes them feel good and if there was no one to help how would ‘helpers’ go about feeling good? we live in a world that likes to put us in groups but in reality we don’t perfectly fit anywhere. this is the beauty of it.
the last few months i have experienced life changing things. you wake up one day and realize what you have loved and believed in is no longer there. i wanted to be someones everything and in reality they made me feel like nothing. i had a faith and a community that i respected and lived by. something i’ve been learning and leaning on for 30 years. i never imagined how a few words could make that crumble so quickly and instantaneously. there was a list of things that i wanted out of life. nonnegotiable. how these nonnegotiables actually ARE now. i’m learning to make that list from scratch again.
ONE thing that won’t change is how God loves me. i can learn to despise Him. i can become mean and bitter. i can end up alone and misunderstood the rest of my whole life. i can marry and divorce. i can lose every person i love in this world. i can experience the darkest things of this world. first world problems and third world problems. even if i were to cry everyday… i wouldn’t be able to run away from the fact that God loves me and how He loves me so much. this isn’t something that i have to convince myself everyday or remind myself everyday. regardless of how i live my life and what decisions i make this is a fact that i cannot run away from and i will know to my dying day.